A brain-rotting addiction

A reluctant pothead’s 10-year habit and her thoughts as Canada moves to legalize marijuana
By Elianna Lev, Daily Brew, Dec. 22, 2015
I am a reluctant pothead.

Despite getting stoned on most days for the last 10 years, it is not a habit I approach with Marc Emery levels of defiance. I’ve come to begrudgingly accept that I have no willpower when it comes to weed — if I know there’s a stash in the vicinity, it will be on my mind until it gets into my lungs. Edibles don’t hold the same appeal and neither does vaping. For me, it’s the rolling and the smoke that’s a huge part of the allure and satisfaction.

It started in July 2005 when I was struggling to emotionally move on from an unresolved breakup with my common-law boyfriend. My hostile thoughts were on a constant loop and crying on a daily basis had become routine. So when a roommate gifted me with a joint, I smoked it without hesitation. For the first time in months, things immediately felt better. The bad thoughts I had about my ex dissipated as quickly as the smoke I exhaled.

From there on in, marijuana became my crutch. I’d leave parties early so I could go home and get stoned alone. At my 30th birthday bash, I couldn’t fully relax and enjoy myself until I’d taken a bong hit. When I took an evening poetry class, I intended to attend sober, but didn’t. As a freelance writer, I’m constantly in my head. When I’m done my work, I rely on pot to shift things so I feel differently than I have all day.

I’ve certainly worked up a tolerance with it, too. While it used to inspire a flood of ideas and good feelings, now, it’s mostly just a customary shift in consciousness. My thoughts will go deeper, but rarely do they lead to anything inspiring. Within an hour or so, I will turn into a burnt out and blurry version of myself..... click "Read More" below to continue.....